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So, I have gained 5 lbs since being gone for so long.
Is it normal to go through phases? I was like a normal person for a few months!
I didn't run because winter...I don't run on snow.
And now, it's almost march.
I am fat
I will get in the best shape of my life.
So, I start today...even though it's been awful so far.
look what i've had so far..bascially...what i have evryday.
2 bananas -200 cals
kitkat max- 380
mars bar -260
2 tbsp tuna salad - 60
2 mini wraps - 240
2 yogurts - 70
ouch = like 1300 already

dinner will be very light...i can assure you of that

redhead!

So..i went redhead! It looks amazing! It's the same color as when Ashlee Simpson went red. She looked really great. I LOVE IT!!!!! I feel sooo much hotter! Here's a pic I just took with my webcam..it's kinda hard to tell..cause it's in a pony tail!!! But it's wonderful!!
Anwyays...went running at lunch again! That's 4 times this week! that's 2400 calories..i've been eating like a normal person. kinda. like under 1500 cals..ill get back to my diet soon. it's just so hard!

good good

ok..running again today...i usually am against running daily...but this week is an exeption to make up for halloween.
Doing great still...a whole 3 days! Sounds kinda pathetic...doesn't it?
My fiance has urged me to see a psychologist. I am going. I think I'm going so I can get help with being anxious all the time.
My libido is gone...it's probably from my ED..which is what my man tells me...but I think it's cause I"m stressed. I'm stressed because we have two mortgages and are house poor. So who wouldn't be?
It's funny..cause the more I don't stress about what I'm going to eat...the less I think about food (duh!)...and the less I eat.
It's probably cause I'm not worried...cause it's VERY hard to gain weight when you're running. So..I'll continue the way I'm going this week..and weigh myself friday!
Btw...my fiance threw out my measuring tape! LOL I usually measure myself daily...and i guess he was actually monitoring the measuring tape..and noticed I use it daily...so he said he cut it up into little peice and threw it out~
Whatever...now..I will always expect the worse...so I'll be sure to not gain!
Why am I 26 and still obsessed with weight?>
When am I gonna grow up and be an adult?
I was watching Desperately hungry housewives on youtube..and I hope to god I don't end up an old ugly skinny bitch!

doing great

the more I worry about food...the more I eat.
For the past two days I have been obsessed with exercise and I'm doing fantastic.
I am running 7km everyday during my lunch hour at work. I'm burning 700 cals a day and eating about 1200 max!
WOOHOO!
I will write back on Friday to keep you posted.
And I will weight in Friday.
My goal is 160 :)

halloween candy almost gone... lol

well...i feel great today! I was pretty decent last night. I didn't have scarmbled eggs...I had quesedillas..i make them myself...so they are calorie controlled...and yes...i had quite a few chocolates...but they are in the house! I can't help myself! lol..so when the halloween candy is finally gone...things should be more normal. Either way..I didn't feel bad cause I ran yesterday and burned 700 cals. Which is great! I don't know what I weight right now..but I'm gonna guess 165...since i was 167 yesterday. It's not horrible...but I'm staying positive...because we all have our ups and downs. I know I want to reach a goal...and I will try my hardest to make it. We have a big xmas dinner on the Eve and a big Xmas dinner on the day..I'm really excited for this! I want to be 150 by xmas. it's not a very lofty goal...but at 150...i look extremely skinny.I know alot fo you guys probably think 150 is alot...and it is a heavy weight...but maybe cause I';m 5'11 its not... I'm just not sure. Im 167 right now...do you guys find I look really really fat? Or just a little chubby?
Anyways...15 lbs in 1.5 months...is that possible?

Can I make it...just ONE DAY!

Well.. I was gone for a couple of days. Sick as a dog. I still came to work...but I had no time to write cause I've been super busy. I've also been super bad! Damn Halloween Candy!!!!!!! I'm up to 167 :(
So...today...I feel like myself again. I will be running during lunch.
To eat I have:

2 all bran bars - 260
PB Sandwich - 280
Apple - 80
2 energy drinks

I will run for 55 minutes - -700

Dinner tonight = only protein..NONE OF THE KIDS F#*@#KING CHOCOLATE (I have 3 step children whom we have split custody of..so one week with them and one week without)

If I get by perfectly today..then mentally I'll be good again.
(If I had my period..it would've ended today)

Wish me luck...
xoxox

decent

So, doing well today...so far I've had an apple.
I am going to a meeting for lunch...we are going to a restaurant...i will have a salad...with chicken. :)
I never feel bad about calories when it's a carb-free meal. do u guys feel the same?
Just wondering...am I too old to be the way I am? I notice alot of people in their early teens or udner 21...but I'm 26. I have been this way on and off since 14. But is 26 too old???? Like...i'm going to be a wife and hopefully a mother one day...it just doesn't seem like it all fits..
I wanna be a yummy mummy ... and dress really well!!