you tube

So, I was reading someone's blog and they had a link to a youtube video of a woman who fasted for 40 days 3 times in a row! Insane! I have fasted in the past for 30 days! It was such an amazing feeling! I drank ONLY water. It was really hard the first few days....but after day 5...I was no longer hungry. Then, at day 14, my tongue turned white. I also had all this energy. It was so weird. I felt like I was floating...not to mention I lost 30 pounds :)
The girl on the video looked really scary at the end. I really didn't like the wrinkles around her mouth...how when she talked...they would move.
I hope I never get to that...
It's just...if I ever do...I probably will still think I'm fat. Ironic eh?
I looked at old pictures last night and I couldn't beleive how grossly fat I looked. At the time, I was still dieting, but I thought I looked ok. Then, as you go through the pics and they become more recent...I get slimmer and slimmer and slimmer :) But, I personally don't see a difference in myself. I have to see pics to kind of see...and even then..I still think I resemble them.
Anyways...last month I got my period for the first time in months.
Initially I was happy...cause I want babies one day....
but then I got depressed....does that mean I'm fatter?
I'm expecting it again at the end of the month...
I wonder what'll happen.

Today:
1 banana - 100
2 fibre bars - 300

for lunch i have:
salad - 200
yogurt - 40

650 total...
leaving me 150-200 for dinner...perfect :)


Anwyays, my boyfriend is being so good right now...he knows I have this issue and usually he gets mad at me...but now..he just seems more caring about it and understanding...by the things he's said...i know he's done his research...but he always tells me how beautiful i am :) And when I tell him I'm fat...he tears up.. it's so sweet. When I show him pics of the past..he says "that's a good weight for you" and i've lost alot since...
so it's like he's making me feel better...and being supportive...
can't wait to marry that man.
Oh, how I love him!
I feel so light today!